May 24, 2015
Dear Sawyer, Cypress, Ellington, and Keats:
This is your grandfather Hess, your father’s father. I want to write you a letter in case I do not live to see you again in this life. In spite of being diagnosed with colon cancer in 2007, I am currently cancer free, fifty-nine years young, and hope to live a very long life; however, life has a way of throwing unexpected surprises our way. Therefore I want each of you to know that your grandmother Hess and I love and miss each of you very much. We were grateful to have seen Sawyer several times up until he was a toddler. Sadly, we have never seen Cypress, Ellington or Keats.
We do not know why your father has chosen to break off all contact with his parents and all four of his siblings: your Aunt Katie Hodges, Uncle Clayton Hess, Uncle Jayson Hess, and Uncle Zachary Hess. You have more than a dozen Hess family cousins who would like to get to know you. We have tried repeatedly to make contact with your family and to see you, but our efforts have been ignored or rebuffed. We’ve left Christmas and birthdays gifts on your porch and are uncertain whether you ever received them.We know you have moved, but do not wish to risk further alienation by again attempting contact with your parents.
We hope that at some time in the future when you are old enough to act for yourself that each of you will develop a desire to learn about the other half of your extended family and contact us. We anxiously, but patiently await that day when we can begin to develop a relationship with each of you, our beloved grandchildren.
Your loving paternal grandfather,
Cameron Hess
CameronHess@gmail.com
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Parental experiences with the birth of Thomas Judd Hess
Excerpts from Cameron's and Kim's Family Journal relating to her pregnancy and delivery with our first born son, Thomas Judd Hess, whom WE LOVE VERY MUCH!
Excerpts from Kim's November 25, 1978 journal entry:
Cam and I have been married 8 months now (a little more)...So far we haven't been able to get pregnant, but we are still hoping and praying. I'm settling down a lot more and am not so uptight and frustrated about all the thing that "must be done". We sure hope we can have our own (children) and not adopt. Both of us love marriage and each other very, very much. It gets better as we help each other, understand each other, and communicate together.
Excerpts from Kim's January 10, 1979 journal entry:
Alot has happened since I last wrote. I guess the most exciting is that Cam and I are expecting a baby. It’s been hard for me to adjust because I basically don't feel very well. I've been nauseated most of the day with headaches in the morning (no throwing up however) and I've been extremely tired! I can sleep 12-13 hours straight! The worst thing though is that my emotions are haywire! I cry alot and am a grump alot but things are getting better- not so sick and lots more energy. We're due August 15th, so I’m about 2 months along.
Excerpts from Cam's March 3, 1979 journal entry:
These last couple of months have been really tough ones for Kim and I. She just hasn't felt very well. She gets tired and worn out quite easily, and then gets depressed and irritable more easily. Her emotions and hormones have been wrecking havoc with her state of mind and with her health. We just try to be patient and understanding and hang on.
Several weeks ago we both went to the doctor and had a nice treat. The Doc whipped out an electric stethoscope and we got to hear the baby's heart beat! It sure was special! Now we really know that something is down there.
Excerpts from Kim's March 18, 1979 journal entry:
Well, my morning sickness is just about over. After the second month it got worse, not better. I threw up, headaches, tired, terribly emotional and depressed. Now it’s "just" headaches and still the weird emotions. I do seem to have more energy; however, but am still very tired by the end of the day.
I'm getting bigger now (although I'm only 4 months along). I have two dresses and two pairs of pants I can wear now. Like most pregnant women, I feel as big as a cow!
Despite all the hardships of pregnancy, I am very excited (but scared) about having a baby and having a new arrival in our home. I love children very much, but am afraid I won't be a good mother (since I've never been one before)
Mom Riggs is crocheting a gorgeous baby afghan for us and I am, also. If we have a girl, we think we'll call her Katie and if a boy, Thomas Judd (Judd). Cam doesn't really like the boy's name, but so far he hasn't come up with a better idea.
My Pregnant Symptoms:
-nausea (all day)
-Some throwing up (when Bendectin not taken)
-Headaches (especially with stress)
-Rectal pains (sharp pains shooting to the rectum)
-Burning sensation on the upper right side of my stomach.
-IRRATIBILITY
-Depression
-Sore breasts
-Sharp pains down legs
-tired!
-go to the bathroom often!
-False labor, especially at night (Braxton Hi8cks)
-Backache
Excerpts from Kim's March 25, 1979 journal entry:
Last week Cam and I went shopping for cribs. We don't have any furniture in our house that isn't used, so we bought a used crib at Deseret Industries for $25. It needs some paint and a mattress and cute little decals put on it, but it’s very sturdy. We couldn't pass it up for that price. I don't know where were going to put it in this little apartment, but we'll think of something. (We ended up putting the crib in our teensy kitchen, across from the sink. Because of our tiny apartment, for a while we only half joked about putting the baby in one of the drawers that are built into the wall in our bedroom. Baby crying? Just close the drawer!)
Excerpts from Kim's April 8, 1979 journal entry:
While sitting in Relief Society last Sunday, I felt a little thump in my stomach. Then I felt it again and still again. It finally dawned on me that my little baby was kicking me! That was an exciting moment for me and it endeared me to unborn so much. Now he/she kicks every day and lets me know that it’s there and well and active!
Excerpts from Kim's April 19, 1979 journal entry:
I've been feeling much better lately. Cam and I are getting really excited about the idea of a new baby. I guess we're pretty set on the name Kathryn (Katie) if it’s a girl.
Excerpts from Cam's April 22, 1979 journal entry:
Kim and I have been getting excited about the baby, who is four months off. We think it will be a she. She kicks a lot now. We have been trying to decide what type of delivery method to use. The vote now is tending toward the birthing room at LDS Hospital. Things could change. I sure love Kim for her persistence and patience with her pregnancy. I want to help her as much as I can.
Excerpts from Kim's April 27, 1979 journal entry:
Well, I went to the doctor on the 23rd and he was a bit surprised to see that I had grown 7 centimeters in 4 weeks. I'm only 5-1/2 months along (almost) and I'm already 30 centimeters. We are either going to have a very large baby or twins. MY tummy is beginning to feel very cumbersome and I am starting to waddle a little. It’s a little hard for me to sleep at night, too. Cam and I are both very excited about the baby, though. According to the doctor, the heartbeat is very strong and all seems to be healthy.
Excerpts from Kim's May 22, 1979 journal entry:
Today I went to LDS Hospital to have an ultrasound taken. The doctor was concerned because of my size (33 centimeters @ 6 months) and history of twins in the family- that maybe we had two babies inside me! Well, it revealed only one. Every time the technicians tried to take a picture and make it clearer, the baby moved. They were surprised that the baby is so active. Anyway, they got some pictures of its whole little body and determined that it was right on schedule for its size and that it was more than likely a girl. Cam and I are very happy about that, but the grandmas were a little disappointed (I think). Cam really has known all along that it was a girl and he loves the idea. In some of the pictures I could see her eyes, nose and mouth. It was very special. Her head is down with feet up towards my diaphragm. She punches me constantly with feet and hands. Cam and I got to watch her through a machine that shows the baby in motion. Her hands were always moving. Cam was such a proud Papa and my love for him and our baby grew immensely today.
Excerpts from Cam's May 27, 1979 journal entry: Our baby is really starting to whomp Kim. Twice during Sunday School Kim got kicked so hard that she flinched and nearly fell off of her chair! The doctor told her to sleep on her side so that the baby's weight wouldn't be on her kidneys. So now she has to change from one side to the other every hour or so, or she goes numb on whichever side she is laying on.
Excerpts from Kim's June 10, 1979 journal entry:
As I sit here writing, I have a beautiful spirit of peace with me. Cam is lying on the couch, asleep. (He has been vomiting with the flu) I like to just sit here and look at him and feel all the warmth and love in my heart for him. We have such a special marriage. We love each other so much and try hard to be kind and loving to each other. The spirit is usually here, too. If we have a disagreement, we don't stay upset too long for it brings an unhappiness alien to our home. We can always talk things out, too. One aspect of our marriage I appreciate alot is the respect we have for one another. We don't ever put each other down or expect to change each other thru criticism. I truly love Cameron more each day, because he is the one who has taught me thru example how to be a better friend and marriage partner to him. With this kind of love in out marriage, we hope and pray that we can create a happy home for our little baby-to-be.
Excerpts from Cam's June 25, 1979 journal entry:
Kim has had so much trouble sleeping the past few weeks that we now move the mattress into the front room on the floor so she can have a firmer sleeping support. The baby really goes on rampages now. It will kick and wiggle so hard that it is very noticeable- in fact it’s difficult not to notice! We are both eager and excited for the upcoming event.
Excerpts from Kim's July 1, 1979 journal entry:
I only have about 6 weeks until the baby is due to be born. Cam and I have started our Lamaze classes. (we rode on my motorcycle- what a sight!) They teach relaxation, mainly. The relaxation is supposed to help take concentration off pain and put it on relaxed breathing. Cam is going to be my coach. He talks to me while I breathe, encouraging and praising my efforts. He also helps me relax by rubbing my arms, abdomen, etc. I do exercises everyday to help strengthen the various muscles used in labor. I' scared still to have the baby, but I'm excited to have it here.
Mom and Shellie gave me a baby shower last week. It sure was fun. The guests tied a beautiful orange quilt for me and painted on some really cute baby bibs. Most of the gifts I got were for a baby girl. So I guess now we've got to have a girl. (After an ultrasound exam, the doctor was confident the baby would be an 8-pound girl. The baby turned out to be a nearly 11pound boy. So much for doctor's expertise!) I also got a bed-type carrier. It actually is a bed that we can fold up and take in the car. I also got a bag to carry all the little things I'll need to take with me if I take the baby out somewhere. (a diaper bag?)
The government and our economy are in very bad shape. Gas is going up to almost $1.00/gallon. Food is going sky high and buying a house is almost impossible. Cam and I worry a lot about the kind of world we will be raising our children in. Our faith is being tried a lot because the world is also so very, very wicked.
Excerpts from Kim's July 17, 1979 journal entry:
I've only got about 4 weeks until the baby is due. However, the doctor feels that maybe it will come early because it's getting so big. I haven't gained weight for about a month, but the baby is still growing. I'm getting very anxious for the baby to come. Cam is, too. We now have our crib ready and most of the baby's clothes. I've had two baby showers and two more to go.
I sure get tired and usually need a short nap during the day. The baby has dropped a little and I guess that means the baby will be here soon. Cam and I are practicing our Lamaze exercises. I sure hope that they help in labor! I'm a little scared and anxious for the whole thing, but I can't call it off. I do love this baby very, very much already.
Excerpts from Cam's July 22, 1979 journal entry:
Well, this week has really been a whopper! Thursday in our Lamaze class, we saw a really neat childbirth film. I have been excited for our baby to come ever since.
Early this morning Kim started having contractions that varied in duration, frequency, and intensity. We would have had no trouble recognizing them as being false labor except that they lasted from four in the morning until ten o'clock. Kim felt weak and tired all day, with sporadic contractions now and then.
We had a bit of rain yesterday, but it didn't really decide to rain until today. It was very badly needed and appreciated. Its helped keep things cool, which makes Kim happy.
Most of the day Kim felt dull, achy pains, as if she was about to start a period. Tonight her ligaments really tightened up and her false labor resumed for a while. We are both very anxious and very ready for the baby to come.
Even though she is not due til August 15th, she's just gotta come early. The baby is getting too big! This false labor wears me out just by lifting my hopes and then letting them back down again. I'm impatient!...and tired. Good night.
Excerpts from Kim's July 25, 1979 journal entry:
I've been teaching my vocal students all day and have really enjoyed it even tho' I'm worn out...Tomorrow I go to the doctor. I sure hope he says that things are getting much closer. It's getting very difficult for me to get around without getting very tired. I have to take a nap during the day and am often up 4 or 5 times at night to go to the bathroom. My feet, lets, and hands swell up quite a bit even though I drink lots of water. I'm hoping that my muscles will tone back up fast enough so I can sing in the Grand National Teton Festival on August 23rd. If I can recuperate I will be singing the alto solo in the Mahler 2nd Symphony. It's a golden opportunity, so I hope I can take advantage of it...As is obvious, right now I'm concerned about the birth of our baby and my future in music. I guess time will tell. I want to be a wonderful mother, but I also want to still build my music that I love so much! Somewhere there has to be a happy medium.
Excerpts from Kim's Tuesday, July 31, 1979 journal entry:
Well, I went through another 4 hours of false labor last Sunday. This time the contractions were more regular and did get more intense, but as soon as I went to sleep, they stopped. Oh well. I went to the doctor yesterday and after I told him about my false labor, he wanted to do a vaginal exam. He found out that (my cervix) is quite a bit effaced and dilated to 1 cm. He also said that the baby had definitely dropped and it could come anytime. He thought it would come in about a week. Unfortunately, if it comes this week, my doctor won't be able to deliver it because he just left for a week's vacation.
Excerpts from Kim's Sunday, August 12, 1979 journal entry:
No baby yet! I did have 7 hours of false labor again on August 1st, but of course to no avail. My due date is August 15th, so I've almost hit that. I've been a little depressed about the Tetons lately. I'm suppose to sing up there August 23-25. Pro Musica has its concert the 23rd, then we wind up the whole festival with the Mahler 2nd Symphony. I looked at the brochure about the Festival and all the instrumentalists are from major orchestras all over the country. The conductor, Ling Tung, has conducted many of the major orchestras here (USA) and in Europe. It just looks like maybe I won't be able to go. Originally, I was supposed to do the alto solo in the Mahler, plus a quartet in a Schubert number and a trio in a Vivaldi number. Oh well, I guess they'll be other times and opportunities. I don't resent the baby; I just feel sad that I can't have both this time around.
It's trying very hard to rain. I love it. The heat this summer has made me go a little crazy, so the rain really helps calm my soul down and makes me feel physically more comfortable.
Yesterday, Cam and I went for a truck ride up and down Farmington Canyon. We stopped at Bountiful Peak and had a little lunch. The ride was very bumpy but I didn't go into labor...oh well. These last few days Cam and I have spent a little more time together than usual. I guess we realize we'll never be alone like this again. I've loved it.
Excerpts from Cam's August 19, 1979 journal entry:
Four days overdue and still no baby! We thought things were getting underway Friday night, but that fizzled out. We go to see the Doc tomorrow and I'm curious to see what he says. Kim and I are both very anxious and rapidly becoming discouraged.
We found out last night that Kim's best friend's (Cindy Henderson) mom died Thursday night. Cindy and her husband Mark are planning to move in with Cindy's Dad to help take care of him. They are trying to let us move in when they move out in a couple of weeks. We've looked at their basement apartment and we really like it. Its also cheaper than a 2-bedroom apartment here in the University Village Married Student Housing. We will miss our friends here, but we'll just have to make new ones.
Excerpts from Cam's August 21, 1979 journal entry:
Just before attending the funeral for Cindy's mother, Kim and I went to the doctor's office. He stripped her membranes and we all decided that if the baby hadn't come by the morning of the 22nd, that it would be wise to induce Kim. Since then she has lost most of her mucus plug and had some sporadic contractions. Heather got home from Hawaii and Kim's parents hurried home from their vacation in Idaho to be here.
On the way home (from dinner at a restaurant with extended family) our fan belt broke. We finally found a gas station that had the right belt, but only after the car had overheated. The only problem was that neither the station nor us had any tools. After trying to mess with it for a while, I called our neighbor Scott Rogers to come down with some socket wrenches to help us out. He was outside hanging up clothes when I called and stepped on a large, rusty needle which imbedded itself so firmly in his toe (which already had a painful ingrown nail) that he had to really pull to get it out. Anyway, about this time, Kim started having some hard, regularly spaced contractions. She had to go to the bathroom, so I took her around to where they were. Finding the Women's bathroom occupied, we went into the Men's room. She had some real painful contractions for a few minutes, but then eased up. I had this terrible thought run through my mind of Kim having our baby in the Men's Room at the Chevron Station at Ninth South and State Street! What a wild night! Anyhow, Scott finally came limping in and we had the belt on in no time flat. You should have seen the look on the kid's face that was running the place when I asked him to hurry and ring up the cost of the fan belt because my wife might be in labor! There were all sorts of strange people and things going on down there. We got home in one piece and Scott and his wife Peggy came over and Scott helped me give Kim a blessing. It was a real nice one. Kim was blessed that she would have strength, stamina, and the Lord's sustaining spirit. She was told that she'd enjoy many years of happiness and joy and would be taught how to cope with the hard times. The Lord inspired me to tell her that he is pleased with her for her willingness to bear his children and that she'd be blessed for it.
Kim is still having what appear to be strong false labor pains now. We'll just have to wait and see if we make it till 6am tomorrow morning. We decided on Kathryn, if it’s a girl and Thomas Judd if it’s a boy (calling him TJ or Judd). Busy day tomorrow. Whether you're a Katie or Judd, we are very anxious to welcome you to our family and home. We love you.
Excerpts from Kim's August 29, 1979 journal entry:
Right now I'm sitting on my mother-in-law's bed looking at my week-old son Thomas Judd Hess. He's an absolute doll. He weighed 10 pounds, fourteen ounces at birth hand as 23 inches long. He's very alert and will look right at you when you speak. He loves to be talked to and loves to be cuddled and stroked. He hardly fusses at all (only when he is hungry). The other day he got colic (and cried most the night). I didn't know what to do, so I kept feeding him thinking he was hungry. Well, that only made him feel worse. (I ate too many tomatoes that day, I think) He loves to look around and smiles quite often in his sleep and at me when he's awake. He has lots of dark brown hair and looks quite a bit like me. He isn't fat at all, but is very well built, like his father. (He has a large chest, broad shoulders, big beautiful hands, and long legs.) His cry is almost pleasant to listen to and has a deeper timber to it. Cam and I love him very, very much. (He can also already hold up his head)
I guess I'll record my labor experience. Cam and I went to the hospital at 6:00am on August 22, 1979. The nurses induced my labor at 6:30 with ha pitocin drip. For the first 5-1/2 hours I went without any medication. Cam coached me through each contraction and I used my Lamaze techniques. When I got to the hospital I was dilated to 3 centimeters, 85% effaced, and the baby was at zero station. Because of this, I assumed I'd have a fairly short and easy labor. Ha! When I was dilated to 4cm, they gave me a light epidural to take the edge off the hard contractions. For the next 2 hours I handled those contractions. For the next 2 hours the anesthesiologist gave me too much epidural, so I had a nice rest. After that, I still hadn't dilated past 5-6cm, so the doctor kept me on lighter medication so it wouldn't slow labor down. By this time, I had developed a fever and had a problem with very low blood pressure. (I kept almost passing out) Cam kept helping me breathe in a bag. The nurses had forgotten to catheterize me, so I finally had my bladder emptied about 15 hours after labor started. By this time my body was kind of giving out and my spirits were so low. I also was very scared because I knew that the baby wasn't moving. It seemed like I had been in pain forever, almost like time stood still. It was also frightening because I knew that no one could take the pain away or stop the vents to come. I just didn't think that I could do anymore. Well, at about 9:30pm the doctor checked me again. He looked very grave and I knew that no progress had taken place. Then he decided to take the baby by cesarean section. He felt that was safer in case the baby got stuck in the birth canal and would need a messy forceps delivery. The anesthesiologist gave me a big dose of medication via my epidural to numb me below the waist. In the surgery room, my hands were strapped down and a sheet placed in front of my face. Cam came in and held my hand. He also watched the operation. "Little" Judd was born at 10:04pm August 22nd, 1979. After that I felt sick and threw up, as they began to suction me out. The second time I threw up, they put me out for the rest of the surgery. When Judd was born, he let out a good cry, but quit crying when he heard my voice. Recovery (from the c-section delivery) has been difficult, but that too will pass.
Excerpts from Cam's September 3, 1979 journal entry:
Kim has gone into great detail of our birth process. I'd like to say that it was really a marvelous experience (for me) and it has brought new ties into our marriage that has brought our love to a new height. Helping Kim with each painful contraction and tense moment during labor and watching the doctor remove our son from Kim's womb was an experience that is indescribable with words and which is permanently engraved in my mind. The feeling of holding our new born son and sharing his first moments of life was an experience that I have never had before, but one that will reappear with each child in the future. All I wanted to do was hold him in my arms and try to make him understand ho much his mother loves him to have gone through what she had to do to help being him into my arms. I love both of them more than I can express. I wouldn't have missed sharing that experience with Kim, standing beside her for all those long hours, giving her all the support I could muster for all the riches, power, or glory this world has to offer. Our tiny home is bursting at the seams with love, which might be one of the reasons we are moving in a week or two.
Excerpts from Kim's September 6, 1979 journal entry:
About three weeks before Judd was born, I was sitting in our rocking chair. I wasn't feeling well (of course) and was sitting in the dark, rocking. I was waiting for Cam to return home from night school. I may have been watching TV- I don't remember. When I looked up I saw a young man standing by the crib. I'm sure what I saw was an image and not a body of flesh and blood. The image only lasted an instant, but I remember the details of the man quite well. He was about 19 years old or so. He had a short haircut like a missionary and his hair was kind of brown with a tint of red in it. He had freckles and was tall, but not as tall as Cam. He looked like Cam, but had a rounder face and a rounder nose. I don't remember the color of his eyes, but their shape was like Cam's eyes. He had on a white robe. Even though the robe had no buttons or zipper, it was closed so the chest was not showing. He was also barefoot. The image frightened me because the young man (or older teen) looked disturbed or concerned about something. It was frightening because he was already looking at me with that concerned look. I thought maybe something was going to go wrong with my labor or delivery, but as I've thought about it, maybe it was Judd looking in oh his Mom and was concerned at the pain I was going through. I'm not positive it was Judd appearing to me before his birth, but I guess I'll know as soon as Judd gets to be about 19 years old! (as Judd reached that same age, Kim is more certain that the visitor was Judd)
Excerpts from Kim's November 25, 1978 journal entry:
Cam and I have been married 8 months now (a little more)...So far we haven't been able to get pregnant, but we are still hoping and praying. I'm settling down a lot more and am not so uptight and frustrated about all the thing that "must be done". We sure hope we can have our own (children) and not adopt. Both of us love marriage and each other very, very much. It gets better as we help each other, understand each other, and communicate together.
Excerpts from Kim's January 10, 1979 journal entry:
Alot has happened since I last wrote. I guess the most exciting is that Cam and I are expecting a baby. It’s been hard for me to adjust because I basically don't feel very well. I've been nauseated most of the day with headaches in the morning (no throwing up however) and I've been extremely tired! I can sleep 12-13 hours straight! The worst thing though is that my emotions are haywire! I cry alot and am a grump alot but things are getting better- not so sick and lots more energy. We're due August 15th, so I’m about 2 months along.
Excerpts from Cam's March 3, 1979 journal entry:
These last couple of months have been really tough ones for Kim and I. She just hasn't felt very well. She gets tired and worn out quite easily, and then gets depressed and irritable more easily. Her emotions and hormones have been wrecking havoc with her state of mind and with her health. We just try to be patient and understanding and hang on.
Several weeks ago we both went to the doctor and had a nice treat. The Doc whipped out an electric stethoscope and we got to hear the baby's heart beat! It sure was special! Now we really know that something is down there.
Excerpts from Kim's March 18, 1979 journal entry:
Well, my morning sickness is just about over. After the second month it got worse, not better. I threw up, headaches, tired, terribly emotional and depressed. Now it’s "just" headaches and still the weird emotions. I do seem to have more energy; however, but am still very tired by the end of the day.
I'm getting bigger now (although I'm only 4 months along). I have two dresses and two pairs of pants I can wear now. Like most pregnant women, I feel as big as a cow!
Despite all the hardships of pregnancy, I am very excited (but scared) about having a baby and having a new arrival in our home. I love children very much, but am afraid I won't be a good mother (since I've never been one before)
Mom Riggs is crocheting a gorgeous baby afghan for us and I am, also. If we have a girl, we think we'll call her Katie and if a boy, Thomas Judd (Judd). Cam doesn't really like the boy's name, but so far he hasn't come up with a better idea.
My Pregnant Symptoms:
-nausea (all day)
-Some throwing up (when Bendectin not taken)
-Headaches (especially with stress)
-Rectal pains (sharp pains shooting to the rectum)
-Burning sensation on the upper right side of my stomach.
-IRRATIBILITY
-Depression
-Sore breasts
-Sharp pains down legs
-tired!
-go to the bathroom often!
-False labor, especially at night (Braxton Hi8cks)
-Backache
Excerpts from Kim's March 25, 1979 journal entry:
Last week Cam and I went shopping for cribs. We don't have any furniture in our house that isn't used, so we bought a used crib at Deseret Industries for $25. It needs some paint and a mattress and cute little decals put on it, but it’s very sturdy. We couldn't pass it up for that price. I don't know where were going to put it in this little apartment, but we'll think of something. (We ended up putting the crib in our teensy kitchen, across from the sink. Because of our tiny apartment, for a while we only half joked about putting the baby in one of the drawers that are built into the wall in our bedroom. Baby crying? Just close the drawer!)
Excerpts from Kim's April 8, 1979 journal entry:
While sitting in Relief Society last Sunday, I felt a little thump in my stomach. Then I felt it again and still again. It finally dawned on me that my little baby was kicking me! That was an exciting moment for me and it endeared me to unborn so much. Now he/she kicks every day and lets me know that it’s there and well and active!
Excerpts from Kim's April 19, 1979 journal entry:
I've been feeling much better lately. Cam and I are getting really excited about the idea of a new baby. I guess we're pretty set on the name Kathryn (Katie) if it’s a girl.
Excerpts from Cam's April 22, 1979 journal entry:
Kim and I have been getting excited about the baby, who is four months off. We think it will be a she. She kicks a lot now. We have been trying to decide what type of delivery method to use. The vote now is tending toward the birthing room at LDS Hospital. Things could change. I sure love Kim for her persistence and patience with her pregnancy. I want to help her as much as I can.
Excerpts from Kim's April 27, 1979 journal entry:
Well, I went to the doctor on the 23rd and he was a bit surprised to see that I had grown 7 centimeters in 4 weeks. I'm only 5-1/2 months along (almost) and I'm already 30 centimeters. We are either going to have a very large baby or twins. MY tummy is beginning to feel very cumbersome and I am starting to waddle a little. It’s a little hard for me to sleep at night, too. Cam and I are both very excited about the baby, though. According to the doctor, the heartbeat is very strong and all seems to be healthy.
Excerpts from Kim's May 22, 1979 journal entry:
Today I went to LDS Hospital to have an ultrasound taken. The doctor was concerned because of my size (33 centimeters @ 6 months) and history of twins in the family- that maybe we had two babies inside me! Well, it revealed only one. Every time the technicians tried to take a picture and make it clearer, the baby moved. They were surprised that the baby is so active. Anyway, they got some pictures of its whole little body and determined that it was right on schedule for its size and that it was more than likely a girl. Cam and I are very happy about that, but the grandmas were a little disappointed (I think). Cam really has known all along that it was a girl and he loves the idea. In some of the pictures I could see her eyes, nose and mouth. It was very special. Her head is down with feet up towards my diaphragm. She punches me constantly with feet and hands. Cam and I got to watch her through a machine that shows the baby in motion. Her hands were always moving. Cam was such a proud Papa and my love for him and our baby grew immensely today.
Excerpts from Cam's May 27, 1979 journal entry: Our baby is really starting to whomp Kim. Twice during Sunday School Kim got kicked so hard that she flinched and nearly fell off of her chair! The doctor told her to sleep on her side so that the baby's weight wouldn't be on her kidneys. So now she has to change from one side to the other every hour or so, or she goes numb on whichever side she is laying on.
Excerpts from Kim's June 10, 1979 journal entry:
As I sit here writing, I have a beautiful spirit of peace with me. Cam is lying on the couch, asleep. (He has been vomiting with the flu) I like to just sit here and look at him and feel all the warmth and love in my heart for him. We have such a special marriage. We love each other so much and try hard to be kind and loving to each other. The spirit is usually here, too. If we have a disagreement, we don't stay upset too long for it brings an unhappiness alien to our home. We can always talk things out, too. One aspect of our marriage I appreciate alot is the respect we have for one another. We don't ever put each other down or expect to change each other thru criticism. I truly love Cameron more each day, because he is the one who has taught me thru example how to be a better friend and marriage partner to him. With this kind of love in out marriage, we hope and pray that we can create a happy home for our little baby-to-be.
Excerpts from Cam's June 25, 1979 journal entry:
Kim has had so much trouble sleeping the past few weeks that we now move the mattress into the front room on the floor so she can have a firmer sleeping support. The baby really goes on rampages now. It will kick and wiggle so hard that it is very noticeable- in fact it’s difficult not to notice! We are both eager and excited for the upcoming event.
Excerpts from Kim's July 1, 1979 journal entry:
I only have about 6 weeks until the baby is due to be born. Cam and I have started our Lamaze classes. (we rode on my motorcycle- what a sight!) They teach relaxation, mainly. The relaxation is supposed to help take concentration off pain and put it on relaxed breathing. Cam is going to be my coach. He talks to me while I breathe, encouraging and praising my efforts. He also helps me relax by rubbing my arms, abdomen, etc. I do exercises everyday to help strengthen the various muscles used in labor. I' scared still to have the baby, but I'm excited to have it here.
Mom and Shellie gave me a baby shower last week. It sure was fun. The guests tied a beautiful orange quilt for me and painted on some really cute baby bibs. Most of the gifts I got were for a baby girl. So I guess now we've got to have a girl. (After an ultrasound exam, the doctor was confident the baby would be an 8-pound girl. The baby turned out to be a nearly 11pound boy. So much for doctor's expertise!) I also got a bed-type carrier. It actually is a bed that we can fold up and take in the car. I also got a bag to carry all the little things I'll need to take with me if I take the baby out somewhere. (a diaper bag?)
The government and our economy are in very bad shape. Gas is going up to almost $1.00/gallon. Food is going sky high and buying a house is almost impossible. Cam and I worry a lot about the kind of world we will be raising our children in. Our faith is being tried a lot because the world is also so very, very wicked.
Excerpts from Kim's July 17, 1979 journal entry:
I've only got about 4 weeks until the baby is due. However, the doctor feels that maybe it will come early because it's getting so big. I haven't gained weight for about a month, but the baby is still growing. I'm getting very anxious for the baby to come. Cam is, too. We now have our crib ready and most of the baby's clothes. I've had two baby showers and two more to go.
I sure get tired and usually need a short nap during the day. The baby has dropped a little and I guess that means the baby will be here soon. Cam and I are practicing our Lamaze exercises. I sure hope that they help in labor! I'm a little scared and anxious for the whole thing, but I can't call it off. I do love this baby very, very much already.
Excerpts from Cam's July 22, 1979 journal entry:
Well, this week has really been a whopper! Thursday in our Lamaze class, we saw a really neat childbirth film. I have been excited for our baby to come ever since.
Early this morning Kim started having contractions that varied in duration, frequency, and intensity. We would have had no trouble recognizing them as being false labor except that they lasted from four in the morning until ten o'clock. Kim felt weak and tired all day, with sporadic contractions now and then.
We had a bit of rain yesterday, but it didn't really decide to rain until today. It was very badly needed and appreciated. Its helped keep things cool, which makes Kim happy.
Most of the day Kim felt dull, achy pains, as if she was about to start a period. Tonight her ligaments really tightened up and her false labor resumed for a while. We are both very anxious and very ready for the baby to come.
Even though she is not due til August 15th, she's just gotta come early. The baby is getting too big! This false labor wears me out just by lifting my hopes and then letting them back down again. I'm impatient!...and tired. Good night.
Excerpts from Kim's July 25, 1979 journal entry:
I've been teaching my vocal students all day and have really enjoyed it even tho' I'm worn out...Tomorrow I go to the doctor. I sure hope he says that things are getting much closer. It's getting very difficult for me to get around without getting very tired. I have to take a nap during the day and am often up 4 or 5 times at night to go to the bathroom. My feet, lets, and hands swell up quite a bit even though I drink lots of water. I'm hoping that my muscles will tone back up fast enough so I can sing in the Grand National Teton Festival on August 23rd. If I can recuperate I will be singing the alto solo in the Mahler 2nd Symphony. It's a golden opportunity, so I hope I can take advantage of it...As is obvious, right now I'm concerned about the birth of our baby and my future in music. I guess time will tell. I want to be a wonderful mother, but I also want to still build my music that I love so much! Somewhere there has to be a happy medium.
Excerpts from Kim's Tuesday, July 31, 1979 journal entry:
Well, I went through another 4 hours of false labor last Sunday. This time the contractions were more regular and did get more intense, but as soon as I went to sleep, they stopped. Oh well. I went to the doctor yesterday and after I told him about my false labor, he wanted to do a vaginal exam. He found out that (my cervix) is quite a bit effaced and dilated to 1 cm. He also said that the baby had definitely dropped and it could come anytime. He thought it would come in about a week. Unfortunately, if it comes this week, my doctor won't be able to deliver it because he just left for a week's vacation.
Excerpts from Kim's Sunday, August 12, 1979 journal entry:
No baby yet! I did have 7 hours of false labor again on August 1st, but of course to no avail. My due date is August 15th, so I've almost hit that. I've been a little depressed about the Tetons lately. I'm suppose to sing up there August 23-25. Pro Musica has its concert the 23rd, then we wind up the whole festival with the Mahler 2nd Symphony. I looked at the brochure about the Festival and all the instrumentalists are from major orchestras all over the country. The conductor, Ling Tung, has conducted many of the major orchestras here (USA) and in Europe. It just looks like maybe I won't be able to go. Originally, I was supposed to do the alto solo in the Mahler, plus a quartet in a Schubert number and a trio in a Vivaldi number. Oh well, I guess they'll be other times and opportunities. I don't resent the baby; I just feel sad that I can't have both this time around.
It's trying very hard to rain. I love it. The heat this summer has made me go a little crazy, so the rain really helps calm my soul down and makes me feel physically more comfortable.
Yesterday, Cam and I went for a truck ride up and down Farmington Canyon. We stopped at Bountiful Peak and had a little lunch. The ride was very bumpy but I didn't go into labor...oh well. These last few days Cam and I have spent a little more time together than usual. I guess we realize we'll never be alone like this again. I've loved it.
Excerpts from Cam's August 19, 1979 journal entry:
Four days overdue and still no baby! We thought things were getting underway Friday night, but that fizzled out. We go to see the Doc tomorrow and I'm curious to see what he says. Kim and I are both very anxious and rapidly becoming discouraged.
We found out last night that Kim's best friend's (Cindy Henderson) mom died Thursday night. Cindy and her husband Mark are planning to move in with Cindy's Dad to help take care of him. They are trying to let us move in when they move out in a couple of weeks. We've looked at their basement apartment and we really like it. Its also cheaper than a 2-bedroom apartment here in the University Village Married Student Housing. We will miss our friends here, but we'll just have to make new ones.
Excerpts from Cam's August 21, 1979 journal entry:
Just before attending the funeral for Cindy's mother, Kim and I went to the doctor's office. He stripped her membranes and we all decided that if the baby hadn't come by the morning of the 22nd, that it would be wise to induce Kim. Since then she has lost most of her mucus plug and had some sporadic contractions. Heather got home from Hawaii and Kim's parents hurried home from their vacation in Idaho to be here.
On the way home (from dinner at a restaurant with extended family) our fan belt broke. We finally found a gas station that had the right belt, but only after the car had overheated. The only problem was that neither the station nor us had any tools. After trying to mess with it for a while, I called our neighbor Scott Rogers to come down with some socket wrenches to help us out. He was outside hanging up clothes when I called and stepped on a large, rusty needle which imbedded itself so firmly in his toe (which already had a painful ingrown nail) that he had to really pull to get it out. Anyway, about this time, Kim started having some hard, regularly spaced contractions. She had to go to the bathroom, so I took her around to where they were. Finding the Women's bathroom occupied, we went into the Men's room. She had some real painful contractions for a few minutes, but then eased up. I had this terrible thought run through my mind of Kim having our baby in the Men's Room at the Chevron Station at Ninth South and State Street! What a wild night! Anyhow, Scott finally came limping in and we had the belt on in no time flat. You should have seen the look on the kid's face that was running the place when I asked him to hurry and ring up the cost of the fan belt because my wife might be in labor! There were all sorts of strange people and things going on down there. We got home in one piece and Scott and his wife Peggy came over and Scott helped me give Kim a blessing. It was a real nice one. Kim was blessed that she would have strength, stamina, and the Lord's sustaining spirit. She was told that she'd enjoy many years of happiness and joy and would be taught how to cope with the hard times. The Lord inspired me to tell her that he is pleased with her for her willingness to bear his children and that she'd be blessed for it.
Kim is still having what appear to be strong false labor pains now. We'll just have to wait and see if we make it till 6am tomorrow morning. We decided on Kathryn, if it’s a girl and Thomas Judd if it’s a boy (calling him TJ or Judd). Busy day tomorrow. Whether you're a Katie or Judd, we are very anxious to welcome you to our family and home. We love you.
Excerpts from Kim's August 29, 1979 journal entry:
Right now I'm sitting on my mother-in-law's bed looking at my week-old son Thomas Judd Hess. He's an absolute doll. He weighed 10 pounds, fourteen ounces at birth hand as 23 inches long. He's very alert and will look right at you when you speak. He loves to be talked to and loves to be cuddled and stroked. He hardly fusses at all (only when he is hungry). The other day he got colic (and cried most the night). I didn't know what to do, so I kept feeding him thinking he was hungry. Well, that only made him feel worse. (I ate too many tomatoes that day, I think) He loves to look around and smiles quite often in his sleep and at me when he's awake. He has lots of dark brown hair and looks quite a bit like me. He isn't fat at all, but is very well built, like his father. (He has a large chest, broad shoulders, big beautiful hands, and long legs.) His cry is almost pleasant to listen to and has a deeper timber to it. Cam and I love him very, very much. (He can also already hold up his head)
I guess I'll record my labor experience. Cam and I went to the hospital at 6:00am on August 22, 1979. The nurses induced my labor at 6:30 with ha pitocin drip. For the first 5-1/2 hours I went without any medication. Cam coached me through each contraction and I used my Lamaze techniques. When I got to the hospital I was dilated to 3 centimeters, 85% effaced, and the baby was at zero station. Because of this, I assumed I'd have a fairly short and easy labor. Ha! When I was dilated to 4cm, they gave me a light epidural to take the edge off the hard contractions. For the next 2 hours I handled those contractions. For the next 2 hours the anesthesiologist gave me too much epidural, so I had a nice rest. After that, I still hadn't dilated past 5-6cm, so the doctor kept me on lighter medication so it wouldn't slow labor down. By this time, I had developed a fever and had a problem with very low blood pressure. (I kept almost passing out) Cam kept helping me breathe in a bag. The nurses had forgotten to catheterize me, so I finally had my bladder emptied about 15 hours after labor started. By this time my body was kind of giving out and my spirits were so low. I also was very scared because I knew that the baby wasn't moving. It seemed like I had been in pain forever, almost like time stood still. It was also frightening because I knew that no one could take the pain away or stop the vents to come. I just didn't think that I could do anymore. Well, at about 9:30pm the doctor checked me again. He looked very grave and I knew that no progress had taken place. Then he decided to take the baby by cesarean section. He felt that was safer in case the baby got stuck in the birth canal and would need a messy forceps delivery. The anesthesiologist gave me a big dose of medication via my epidural to numb me below the waist. In the surgery room, my hands were strapped down and a sheet placed in front of my face. Cam came in and held my hand. He also watched the operation. "Little" Judd was born at 10:04pm August 22nd, 1979. After that I felt sick and threw up, as they began to suction me out. The second time I threw up, they put me out for the rest of the surgery. When Judd was born, he let out a good cry, but quit crying when he heard my voice. Recovery (from the c-section delivery) has been difficult, but that too will pass.
Excerpts from Cam's September 3, 1979 journal entry:
Kim has gone into great detail of our birth process. I'd like to say that it was really a marvelous experience (for me) and it has brought new ties into our marriage that has brought our love to a new height. Helping Kim with each painful contraction and tense moment during labor and watching the doctor remove our son from Kim's womb was an experience that is indescribable with words and which is permanently engraved in my mind. The feeling of holding our new born son and sharing his first moments of life was an experience that I have never had before, but one that will reappear with each child in the future. All I wanted to do was hold him in my arms and try to make him understand ho much his mother loves him to have gone through what she had to do to help being him into my arms. I love both of them more than I can express. I wouldn't have missed sharing that experience with Kim, standing beside her for all those long hours, giving her all the support I could muster for all the riches, power, or glory this world has to offer. Our tiny home is bursting at the seams with love, which might be one of the reasons we are moving in a week or two.
Excerpts from Kim's September 6, 1979 journal entry:
About three weeks before Judd was born, I was sitting in our rocking chair. I wasn't feeling well (of course) and was sitting in the dark, rocking. I was waiting for Cam to return home from night school. I may have been watching TV- I don't remember. When I looked up I saw a young man standing by the crib. I'm sure what I saw was an image and not a body of flesh and blood. The image only lasted an instant, but I remember the details of the man quite well. He was about 19 years old or so. He had a short haircut like a missionary and his hair was kind of brown with a tint of red in it. He had freckles and was tall, but not as tall as Cam. He looked like Cam, but had a rounder face and a rounder nose. I don't remember the color of his eyes, but their shape was like Cam's eyes. He had on a white robe. Even though the robe had no buttons or zipper, it was closed so the chest was not showing. He was also barefoot. The image frightened me because the young man (or older teen) looked disturbed or concerned about something. It was frightening because he was already looking at me with that concerned look. I thought maybe something was going to go wrong with my labor or delivery, but as I've thought about it, maybe it was Judd looking in oh his Mom and was concerned at the pain I was going through. I'm not positive it was Judd appearing to me before his birth, but I guess I'll know as soon as Judd gets to be about 19 years old! (as Judd reached that same age, Kim is more certain that the visitor was Judd)
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