Do we seek for Eternal Life with our family ABOVE ALL ELSE?

My Dad is in the news again. The LDS Church News published an article in today's edition entitled, "Lessons still linger for former Vietnam POW".

http://www.ldschurchnews.com/articles/56422/Lessons-still-linger-for-former-Vietnam-POW.html

The article quotes the first letter that our family received from my father after 2 years of him being classified as Missing in Action after being shot down over North Vietnam in 1967, our family having not previously known for certain whether he was alive or dead.

After giving the matter considerable thought over the past few months, I wish to take this opportunity to make a very important point about the content of this letter and some of the lessons which can be learned from past experiences. I speak specifically to my immediate and future posterity and also to all of my extended family. I ask that parents share these things with their children when they are old enough to understand. (Non-family members are welcome to read along, also.) I wish for these words to survive me and for these lessons to linger (as mentioned in the title of the article) in your minds and hearts, to act as a potential blessing to you always. Those who have ears to hear, let them hear.

My father was a Vietnam War Prisoner of War (P.O.W.) for 5-1/2 years from August 1967-March 1973. The first half was the worst. During this time, his status was listed as Missing in Action. It was unknown to the U.S. Government and his family whether he was alive or dead. Our family always had faith he was alive. He had two very long and extremely difficult years as a prisoner of the North Vietnamese, enduring mistreatment (torture and solitary confinement) the North Vietnamese thought appropriate for those they considered to be "war criminals", to think about what he wanted to communicate to his family, if ever he was given the opportunity to do so. When he was finally permitted to write his first letter (which letter was our first assurance that he was alive), he had only a very few lines on a small form letter in which to compose his thoughts. In spite of the shortage of space, he began the letter by writing out the names of each member of our family, "Dearest Marjorie, Cameron, Heather, Warren, Holly, Heidi". If you read between the lines, you hear a good man in very humbling and difficult circumstances reaching out across the miles to tenderly and lovingly address each member of his family, all of whom he misses more than any of us will hopefully ever experience or can imagine. Then he gets right to the point and makes the most important and profound statement of this brief, but oh so important letter. "Above all I seek for Eternal Life with all of you". He then goes on to give some fatherly advice about things that would help his family achieve this goal and be successful in life. But I want to focus on this first statement. In this sentence, he reiterated his commitment to the covenants he had already made with God at the time of his baptism, his Priesthood ordination, and his temple endowment to put God first in his life (above all other things) and seek for Eternal Life in God's presence. In addition, he himself is remembering, and reminding his family of, the covenants he and his wife made with God at the time they were sealed for time and all eternity in the holy temple and that ours was an eternal family unit, with children having been born into that covenant relationship and being automatically sealed to our parents under the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. He was letting us know that he loved each of us and that we were frequently in his thoughts and that no matter what happened to him in that hellish prison- even if he never made it back home alive- we would still be a forever family.

That was a very important letter. It not only validated our faith that he was alive, but also gave us hope and courage to press on. Even though the trials and challenges that we as individuals and as a family experienced in his absence were not the physical torture, deprivation, and isolation that he was experiencing, it was none the less very difficult from our perspective. We all looked forward to being reunited again as a family, hopefully in this life, but if not, then in the next. Finally, in March of 1973, according to a negotiated settlement to end American involvement in the war, most Americans known to be held as Prisoners of War by North Vietnam were released and allowed to return home.

As my father states in the article, as much as everyone looked forward to our family being reunited, the adjustment was difficult, in part because his experiences had changed him. Each of us at home had changed, also. For example, when my father left for Vietnam in 1967, I was a squirrely, freckle faced, buck toothed 11- year old with very short hair (thanks to military barbers). When he was released in March 1973, I was an acne-faced 17 year old teenager with braces and relatively long hair (by military standards) who towered about nine inches above my father. My mother had also changed. For years she had held up pretty well under the stress of being a single parent of 5 children in very uncertain circumstances and an active member of the POW/MIA Waiting Wives Club during the late 60's. In the early 70's, she battled debilitating depression and its side-effects. When he returned home, my father tried to help my mother by getting her to change. I suppose he wanted her to be the woman he had dreamed about for all those years. All of us wanted her to be the happy, energetic person she used to be. Nobody wanted this more than she did. Trying to help someone change for the better is a good thing...right?? However, some of the methods my father used to try to induce my mother to change only made her depression worse. If we are not careful, we can sometimes sacrifice what we want most (Eternal Life with our family) for what we want now (someone else to change). After my parents tried for about as many years as they'd been apart to make the reunited family successful, sadly our family was separated again, this time by divorce. This time the separation was permanent. Even after several decades, my heart still aches over this loss.

In the 121st section of the Book of Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord taught the Prophet Joseph Smith (and all the rest of us) about proper and improper ways to exercise power, authority, and influence. The Lord did so, interestingly enough, while Joseph Smith was suffering through a difficult and prolonged incarceration and abuse of authority in so-called "Liberty" Jail.

34 Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

35 Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—

36 That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.

37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.

38 Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God.

39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

40 Hence many are called, but few are chosen.

41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—

43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever. "

My plea to all who read this blog post is to always keep in remembrance that in order to obtain the greatest of all the gifts of God (Eternal Life and Exaltation with our family), we must ALWAYS keep this is as our #1 priority...above all else...and act accordingly, enduring to the end, never allowing any other goal, desire, or want to replace this as our #1 priority. We may, as did father Lehi, invite our family to join us in tasting of that most sweet fruit of the Tree of Life, but we must never use coercion or any other unrighteous principle of influence.

.....

As I have shared these thoughts, I have tried to focus on principles, rather than people. I do not share these things to belittle or dishonor anyone. I freely acknowledge that I have more than my own share of faults and weaknesses. I deeply love and respect both of my parents and am eternally grateful for what they have sacrificed to help me become who I am and for what I have learned from their examples of dedication and love. Neither my father nor I are the same persons we were back in the 70's, in part because our experiences have changed us...for the better. That's a good thing.


I've added a link to the Church News article, along with links to President Monson's October 2008 General Conference talk in which he quotes from my father's letter, to the list of hyperlink references in my October 7, 2008 blog tribute to my father.