Pre-surgery preparations

Today is the day before I am scheduled for major surgery, and as such, I am trying to complete those remaining items on my to-do list which are in the MUST DO category. Among these is again cleaning out the ol' digestive track. I'm getting to be quite familiar with this procedure. First, no eating of any solid food since Tuesday evening. Today I'm only allowed to drink clear liquids. Apple juice and vegetable broth. Yum. Yeah, real fun. However, I *do* get a special liquid dessert, known as Phospho-soda. Its a very salty laxative drink. Even though the maximum recommend dosage on the packaging for the oral saline laxative is 3 tablespoons in 24 hours, I have consumed(on doctor's orders) two bottles (3 fluid ounces) in 4 hours. Guess what *I'm* going to be doing for the rest of the day?!

Then I'm suppose to take a bath or shower tonight *and* another one in the morning using special antibacterial soap to help reduce the amount of germs on my person that might get into the surgical incisions. I was thinking that rather than make some nurse shave my abdomen prior to surgery, I was considering doing it myself while showering. Then I got around to reading ALL of the paperwork I was given and found the last sentence on the last page which reads, "Do not shave or use air remover on the surgery area". Gulp, I almost goofed!

Another equally "fun" activity is filling out the California Healthcare Association's form 3-1, otherwise known as the Advance Health Care Directive of the California Probate Code, section 4701. This document requires the future patient to make such decisions designating a healthcare power of attorney agent and two alternates who are responsible for making health care decisions for me in the event that I am unable to do so myself. Another head scratcher is making decisions about the degree of effort that should be made to sustain or extend one's life and provide pain relief in the event of incurable and irreversible conditions. Another multiple choice and essay question pertains to what, if any, organs or body parts are to be made available for transplant, therapy, research, or education in the event that I no longer need them. The future patient's signature of this document must be witnessed either by a Notary Public or two persons who admit knowing me (somewhat hard to find), verify that I am of sound mind (this one's even harder...notice they don't add sound body), not named as an agent, and not a health care provider. Oh, you also get to name an alternate doctor, I guess in case your primary doctor gets sick or runner over by a truck and you're not conscious to name a successor. This "form" seems like a last will and testament. :(

In between trips to the Men's Room this afternoon, I also have a final follow-up appointment (think billable services) with my gastroenterologist, who will summarize all the tests and will probably tell me that I have colon cancer and need surgery. Gee, thanks. How bout tomorrow morning?

Just for the record, surgery is scheduled for 8:30am Thursday morning (I have to be there 2 hours early), November 29th at UCI (University of California-Irvine) Medical Center in Orange. (http://www.ucihealth.com/mc.asp) Its located just east of The Block mall and just south of the 5 freeway off The City Drive. The main phone number is (714)456-7890.If you want to visit, I might be lucid by Saturday or Sunday. The parking structure is accessed via Dawn Way, one block south of the main entrance on UCI Medical Center Drive. (http://tinyurl.com/36moc2) In order to help keep visits short, they only validate parking for one hour at the front desk. After that, you're on your own. In order to duck the outstanding warrants for my arrest (the courthouse and jail are just south of the hospital), I'll be registered under the name "John Doe", but will be in the wing for people having tummy tucks. ;)

Thanks to everyone for all your love, care, concern, well wishes, and prayers. I really does help and I very much appreciate it. Keep those cards and letters coming, folks. ;)